New perspective

I am trying to have a new perspective.  It isn't easy.  I seem to waver like a plastic bag being tossed in the wind.  I go from being positive and encouraged to depressed and anxious - all in a moment.  This eye thing is just stinkin' hard.  It is worrisome, anxiety-provoking and challenging. 

Getting the contact in - I am on a high.  Positive, rearing to go - put on that patch and let's do this.

An hour later...

Contact is gone.  I am dejected.  Feel like a failure.  Can't even do what needs to be done for my daughter.  Horrible feeling.

I am trying to hang onto the positive moments.  Focus on the progress.  I can get the contact in and on relatively smoothly (she cries, but it can be done).  Julia is crawling and pulling to a stand.  She smiles now.

I can crawl!

Look at me stand!

So for now, we are just getting through each day.  The contact she has is a spare from right after surgery and it falls out every couple of hours.  When she is patched, she won't really let me put her down.  She is fussy, clingy and has to be constantly distracted.

It doesn't help that Jed has hit the "terrible twos" and is defiant and jealous of his sister.  Discipline at this age is hard.  As is leaving the house with both of them by myself.  We also found out Julia has chronic fluid on her ears and needs tubes.  Thankfully the ENT is going to coordinate with the opthamologist so that if she needs another surgery this summer, they will just do everything at once.

Because of the challenges of leaving the house with a wild 2 year old and an infant whose contact always falls out, we spend the day on the deck, in the back yard and an occasional trip to a playground.

This is actually the day we lost the last contact.  At the park.

Jed just likes to run...and run...and run.

Next week Julia has an appointment with another pediatric opthamologist for a second opinion.  Not sure if anything different will be suggested, but it will be nice to get another doctor's perspective.  Her eye has also been tearing some, so I am anxious to have her pressure checked.

In the meantime, we are trying to keep our heads up and think positively.  James is a super husband and Dad and constantly reminds me that we are doing everything we can.  He helps balance me out when I am feeling like a failure or feeling scared. 

Perspective is key.  What I look at and what I focus on helps determine the outcome.  I choose to focus on my amazing daughter and see all the things she has accomplished so far.